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Hospital Hijinx

Posted on February 1st, 2010 by Retired-Ed in Daily Life

Sometimes the language barrier can provide a few laughs. Such happened to me while a patient at the Leopoldina Krankenhaus in Schweinfurt, Germany. My German is pretty fair, but I speak and understand Hochdeutsch or “High German”, and it is the language that I learned in college. I took two years of German in order to satisfy the foreign language requirement of my BA degree. However, there are just some words and phrases that aren’t taught in school.

For example, on my second night in the hospital, two of the nurses came into my room. One was taking my vital signs. The other had a question for me. I was mystified when she asked me (in German) if I had made a chair. OK, you get it already, don’t you? After several attempts to make me understand, she gave an exasperated look to her colleague and finally said to me, “Shit?”

“Ja,” I responded. That word I definitely understand. I also was able to provide her with the information that she requested, which would be TMI for this blog. (too much information).

I also had a young American roommate. He was a 19-year old GI who had some stomach pains. He was scheduled for a colonoscopy, and I recall the floor doctor explaining to him that he would be sedated for the procedure. When he returned to our room, he was still pretty groggy. After he recovered, he related this story: The doctor performing the procedure explained to him exactly what would take place. In great detail! Now I, being a man just a little over the age of 19, know all about prostate examinations. But a lad of 19 probably hasn’t had the pleasure. Obviously, the doctor decided that since he was already in the area, he might as well check out all of the real estate there. So he told my roomy that after the colonoscopy was finished he would perform a digital examination. Roomy didn’t understand, even though the instructions were in English. Finally, the doctor said, “I’m going to stick my finger up your ass.” Ouch. Roomy did understand that one.

Sometimes I think that our German friends have learned their English by watching American TV. Bad choice. Perhaps the BBC would provide for a more genteel grasp of our mother tongue.

Retired-Ed

3 Comments

3 Responses to “Hospital Hijinx”

  1. citywendy Says:
    February 1st, 2010 at 6:00 pm

    That reminds me of the time Drew and I were in a small accident while riding in a cab and decided to go to the ER to make sure we were fine. Since we were a couple, we were allowed into the same examining room and the doctor (well, PA, actually), who was American-born, asked me a few questions and then turned to Drew and said, “Does your dick hurt?” We were both flabbergasted. There was no language barrier to explain that one — just bad manners, I guess.

  2. Sue Says:
    February 2nd, 2010 at 1:31 am

    LOL!! (I have nothing more to add than that!!!)

  3. Barb Says:
    February 9th, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    Ed,
    This a fun website. Glad Becky told me about it. Great to hear from that part of the world – and others.

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